Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I've been dreading this post since I read it on the list. Probably because embarrassing moments still feel embarrassing.  It also caused alot of reflection on my past, and I decided that there is a thin line between embarrassing and shameful. I've decided that embarrassing moments are moments which shouldn't have necessarily caused you so much grief, but they do. Shameful moments are moments where you deserve every second of regret and self-loathing. For example, the time I mentioned yesterday with my argument with Mean Facebook Girl. That was embarrassing, but it was more shameful and left me feeling very ashamed, and rightfully so. However, the time in middle school that I was standing completely still and then fell over for no good reason in front of a bunch of eighth grade boys who laughed, well, that was just embarrassing. I've also decided that I was most prone to embarrassment in middle school, because I've learned to laugh at myself for silly situations now. If I were to fall over for no good reason in front of my peers, I'd probably laugh with them.

Anyways, super-self conscious socially anxious middle school Andrea was most likely to be embarrassed by anything. Here's a really stupid example, and one that still makes me feel embarrassed to this day just from remembrance: my family and I were at a restaurant. I wanted some steak sauce so I asked for the Al's. Like the man's name, AL, not A1. I hadn't ever heard the name pronounced and just thought it was Al's. My mom and dad looked confused, and upon realizing what I meant laughed good-naturedly about their confusion and my misreading. I, however, was confused in burst into tears. My poor parents tried to console me and let me know it wasn't a big deal, but I was still mortified by my mistake. (I know I have overcome the fear of saying things wrong by now; once, around 19, I was in the car with dad and got tongue tied and referred to Willie Nelson and Nellie Wilson. Dad found this hilarious. I was unfazed by his laughter.)

Okay. So far I've been wasting time. So my most embarrassing moment, when told to you, will probably sound trivial. However, I was 12 at the time, at the peak of my social anxiety, trying very hard to be cool even though I hadn't yet acquired the wardrobe or intuition for the right clothing choices, and my older sister was immensely cooler than me. It was late in sixth grade, and there was one of those monthly awkward dances where everyone stands in the gym and listens to loud music (unless "Who let the dogs out" is playing, in which case we yelled along to the chorus.) There was a guy (this is in no way about a crush, by the way) who was my friend, and had been calling me some name, Patsy or something, as a joke all week to get under my skin, all in good nature. We'd known each other since we were eight and had briefly been my friend in third grade, before me and my best friend were marked as the class outcasts and labeled "freaks." He was standing with his friend at the dance, someone who had known me for only two years and only thought of me as the freak of the sixth grade gifted class. When I saw the kid who had been calling me names walking towards me, I pointed at him to say,  "No, stay away and don't call me any names," jokingly. It was honestly the most harmless point I'd ever given. His friend pointed at himself and made a disgusted face. He had interpreted my point as saying, "Hey, sexy, did you know I want you?" I was absolutely mortified. I left the dance and cried for about half an hour, which didn't help, because I'm sure my fleeing only reinforced his incorrect ideas. I spent the rest of the year wondering, in true socially anxious fashion, what terrible things the rest of the class was thinking about my crush on this kid. Luckily, he transferred to a different school for seventh grade and I was spared being around him for long.

I know that story probably doesn't sound that big of a deal to you, but I was 22 years old before I shared it with anyone. I didn't even share it with my middle school BFF, Stephanie. I was so mortally embarrassed that I didn't even know how to talk about it to friends. I'm pretty sure I only told it to Jess and Leah once, and even then it was so rushed that I don't think they really understood what was going on. I wish I could give some courage to my poor 12-year-old self; when he made a disgusted face, I'd make a disgusted face right back, march over and explain to him exactly what my point meant and that I'd never consider someone with his chin.

This post has been too long, so I won't update on my life. I'll end it here and go back to hanging with Jess while she is in town.