Children's Books.

I was watching the television show House on my computer (I am just beginning the fourth season) and encountered an episode about a man and a dog. This man loved his dog, and the dog loved him. This happened to bring up a childhood memory about children's books.

I sometimes wonder about the topics people choose for children's books, for example, when Celine brought in Hair in Funny Places, a book about puberty, from the local library. Especially since children's books have short, simple sentences, one per page, with interesting cartoon illustrations to accompany the sentences. That was also a horrible experience, and I am glad that I never ran across that book. I digress.

I loved to read as a child, and would occasionally dig through the large quantity of random books we had around the house for new material. When I was eight or nine, I found I'll Always Love You in our children's books. It seemed to be about a boy and his dog. SPOILER ALERT. I read the book. It wasn't long or too in depth. It began about a boy and his dog, whom he loved very much. They did everything together. Then, the boy got older and the dog got older, slower, etc. The boy was worried about the dog. The dog could do less and less, and the picture showed the dedicated boy towing the dog in his wagon. One day, the dog goes to the vet, and dies. The boy is heartbroken. On the way home, another kid offers the boy a cute dalmation puppy, which he rejects, smiling, because he loves his dog. He thinks to his dog, "I'll always love you."

Upon finishing the book, I stared at the last page, shocked, and proceeded to burst into tears. My dog was maybe three years old at the time, and I already had an irrational fear of dying. And then I read this most depressing book about this poor boy's dog dying. I cried for weeks after reading that book. It simultaneously broke my heart and terrified me.

I suppose the author wanted to help children understand death, and that people move on after death, also that of pets. Or maybe the author wanted his or her--his, whose name is Hans Williams, thank you Google and Amazon--story to be known to the world. Either way, I discovered that book at a horrible time, and it has ever since affected me. It left me heartbroken and crying, and only worsened my fear of dying or of loved ones dying. I was terrified alot as a child, of a variety of things. Also, I needed certain things to sleep properly. I had a fishtank light, and the door had to be open, the dishwasher in the kitchen ten feet from my room had to be running (one course took an hour) and I had to have three comforters to protect me from the velociraptors.

Yes, velociraptors. The third time I watched Jurassic Park, I had begun my phobia stage, maybe about 9, and the next few years were terrifying. Every night, between two and four, I woke up, petrified, because I knew that today would be the day they could get me. They were the only scary dinosaurs, becuase they were so smart. They could open doors. Our doors had knobs, less convenient than the other handles, but those raptors would find a way. Maybe, just maybe, my three blankets would protect me. As such, I buried myself under them, covering all of me and most of my head, save the tinest bit of my face, enough for me to breathe and to stare at the clock until five. At five, the day began and the reign of the raptors ended, for that night at least. It was horrible. The less sleep I got, the more irrational my fears became, and the more irrational they became, the less I could sleep. I also couldn't fall asleep well. I used to fall asleep in my parent's bed, with Mom since Dad went to bed later, but they eventually realized that I would never overcome my fears, so around month three of the raptors I was sent to my own room every night. I would lie in bed so scared, unable to fall asleep. Eventually I began to pray I'd fall asleep and sleep all night, and did better, but I was well into middle school before my phobias stopped and my fear of raptors seemed a little less rational.

Next post, I may tell you about more phobias, but this post seems long enough at the moment, and I have covered a good amount of topics. Coming soon: Irrational fears that kept me terrified in my childhood/preteen years.