Social Chameleons.

"My typical username is b4d4ndyg00dpizz4
Is that interesting enough? Being interesting isn't my strong point. If I can help it, I blend into crowds. I like to be a social chameleon, to exist, but not to stand out. Seeing topics that require me to go out of my way to be noticed isn't scary so much as perplexing for me. Will my topic be interesting enough? Will it be too strange? Will it be acceptable? Thousands of other questions run through my mind as I try to think of some sort of topic that represents me."

For an online class, we were required to post on the forums about ourselves, with an interesting title. This was the beginning of my post.

Lately, more and more, I question my sanity as a human being. I know everyone does, but I'm talking about in terms of social interactions. Last year, when I stayed in my dorm and played WoW, it was so easy to just pass so many social activities. And it wasn't because WoW was more important, it's because it's so easy for me to sit in my room by myself, only having to interact through a computer. If I am out walking around campus, I prefer to have my headphones in, safely barricaded from the strangers around me. I don't strike up conversation with strangers if I can help it, unless social situations deem it absolutely necessary.

This year, I've been much more social. Some events I find fun and look forward to attending, but often I find myself torn. I'd much rather stay in my room, I'd much rather stay at home, I'd much rather skip out. And then I push myself to go, reminding myself that it's not normal to spend all my time alone, normal people want to do things, normal people like other people, normal people like large group activities full of strangers and cliques that don't notice you, with maybe a little bit of space for your presence, your friendship, your interaction. And, whether I have a good time or not, it's always the fact that even if I think I'd have fun, I have to talk myself into being social, I have to remind myself of what's normal. I hear friends wanting to do things and not having enough time, I hear friends who enjoy social interactions with strangers, and I wonder what happened to the bubbly, busy, over-eager girl from high school, who only recently pushed herself into joining the first choir in three years and is taking half of her classes online. Who is this strange person I am becoming, more and more secluded?