Half Awake.

I am a morning person. Especially after my year of World of Warcraft, mentioned in previous blogs. After spending nights playing games until 8 am and sleeping through all daylight, I feel a little queasy if I sleep in past 9 am anymore, though I can sleep until 10:30 on really special occasions. Usually, I'd prefer suffer through being tired than sleep in so late anymore. Anyways, now I make it a point to be up as soon as I wake up the first time since I can no longer stomach waking up so late.

Unfortunately, even though I love the morning and being as the sun rises, my brain seems to function quite differently than the rest of my body. In the mornings, I don't think my brain fully becomes conscious for quite a few hours. I will text a friend, write an email, or even this blog, only to read it at a later date and say, "...What?"

So here I am, drinking my coffee on a partly cloudy day, waiting for the day to really begin. I actually just got off of theknot.com, where I'm following their wedding checklist. I am at 60 days to go! Thinking of my wedding caused me to reminisce about Leah's wedding, which made me realize what a different person I have become. First of all, I can no longer deny that I live in Tallahassee. All college, due to dorm life forcing me to Deland in the summers, I always felt mixed about where I lived. Now, having not lived in Deland for about a year and a half, I clearly live in Tallahassee. Also, I realized I am undeniably an adult. I know that all of my peers and I constantly talk about how we still don't always feel like "grown-ups." I guess, what with there always being someone older out there, we never really will. But here I am, 22 years old with a Bachelors, engaged to a man with a Bachelors and a real job, realizing that I am an old, grown up adult. It happens so slowly that it takes me be surprise. I can't see the day to day changes, but I compare myself to just a few years ago, and I can tell that I've changed, little by little.

And it scares me to know that I'm going to keep changing, keep growing, for as many years as I have left. When I was four, thirty minutes felt like such a long time. When I was a teenager, thirty minutes didn't feel nearly as long. Now, an entire day can pass by and I've barely noticed it. The older I get, the more time is speeding up and taking me along with it, faster and faster. I grow older and older before I've had time to appreciate the changes, until one day I'll wake up after years have passed, with a whole lifetime to look back on. I'm excited for the future, of course, but I'm scared of the time that has to pass to take me there.

This post has taken some interesting turns. I'll stop writing now, since I'm sure I've already thoroughly perplexed a more awake version of myself who will read this later.