Driving.

College kids don't always own cars. I personally have always had my car at college, though I usually only use it once or twice a week if I can help it; I walk almost everywhere I can. Usually grocery shopping, volunteering, and churchgoing take me outside of walking range. Since there are a number of us on campus in this same sort of situation (Leah, Daniel, Judy, etc.) we usually carpool. For example, the weekly Tuesday get McDonald's and Wal-mart occurs after I have finished volunteering. I pick up Daniel and Leah in my car, since parking is still so horrible that there's no use trying to find a spot. Leah and I alternate driving the carpool to church, etc.

It rarely happens that I am driving my car alone at some point without specific plans in the very near future. However, today was one of those unusual exceptions. I drove to meet my friend Eric (he is one of the four or so people from my high school class that came to the same university, and the only one with whom I've kept any contact) for dinner. After some wonderful firehouse subs (right after I'd finished the blog prior to this!) I began the drive back to my dorm. It was one of my favorite times of the day; the sun was below the horizon, so the sky was still light, though there was no blinding glare in any direction. I was listening to music, and suddenly I realized I was not ready to park and walk back up to my dorm. I didn't want to stop driving, I didn't want to be here this weekend. I wanted to drive somewhere, maybe home, with just what I had in the car (basically just my purse.) No extra clothes, no preparations, no computer. Just drive somewhere far away.

I don't know what stopped me. Maybe some of my spontaneity is gone, maybe I know better than to make rash decisions, maybe I figured Mom would think I was ridiculous since she'll be here Tuesday, maybe I figured that it wasn't worth going on a trip without friends with me, though half the beauty of the car ride was the solitude. But either way, I followed the usual route back to the gravel lot where I always park, and calmly pulled my car into the spot where my car always resides. I exited my car and took the same path to my dorm room as I always do.

Jess told me once that I drive more than anyone she knew. I seem to spend many a weekend traveling. Last year I blamed the long-distance relationship, which was part of it, same with the month of December. However, it's really not that, because without those reasons I still find myself out of town frequently, whether visiting Jess or family or finding some other reason to draw me away. I just don't like staying put for too long. Maybe it's because I'm torn between my college home and the home where I was raised. Maybe it's because I miss all of the people whom I love. Maybe I just get restless staying in one place for too long and feel the need to change my life up. Maybe I'm not busy enough here, since I have so much more free time in college than I ever did in high school. Whatever the reason, I felt it tugging at me again tonight, the need to just drive, to go, to break free from routine, the desire to go somewhere else and see people I haven't seen in a while. Though I know if I left, I'd miss the friends still here. Neither option was really fully satisfying.

Now I sit in my room, on my bed, typing this blog, while the sun sets out the window. Somewhere in the course of the sun's descent and the onset of night, the sky will turn a shade somewhere between night blue and sky blue, and I'll smile, because it's the color I love best. And I'll continue this weekend like any other here, push the restlessness down, and find contentedness with where I am. I'll enjoy time with the friends that I love, and find time to get in touch with the people that I don't get to see in person daily.

And in a month I'll drive home for the summer, and in a few weeks I'll be itching for another trip. And next time, maybe I'll keep driving.