Running.

I have disappeared for awhile. It's been a busy few months, and what with it being Leah's last few weeks in Tallahassee, I tried to spend extra time with her. She is now in Virginia with Daniel. I could write an entire blog post about how depressed I am because of this, but that would not correspond to the title of this blog, so I won't dwell on my sadness.

I got burnt out from the Couch to 5k plan for a bit, mostly because it was just too hot in the afternoon to run. Then, I finally decided to start getting up early and working out before work. Before the wedding, I would go to the apartment complex gym before work every morning. I hated it. I realize now why: 1) It was way too dark at 6:30 am in the winter. 2) The walk was freezing. 3) I hate working out indoors (which I never knew till I started running.)

I've always been a morning person. I appreciate getting up with the sun and seeing the day before the world wakes up, while the sky is still getting lighter, the birds are chirping, everything is covered with dew and the world feels fresh and new. (Except for that one foggy morning, when the humidity was 100% and everything was stifling and still and it felt like 90 degrees at 6:45 am. That morning was somewhat less pleasant.) Running in the mornings is invigorating (mostly.) It gives me a chance to appreciate my favorite time of day in the outside world and helps me wake up. I start the day feeling more alive and more grateful for the beauty of nature after having spent a good half hour in it first thing after I wake up. I would try to recommend to everyone to get up earlier than usual, even if it's just 5 minutes, and go stand outside on your front porch or outside your front door. Appreciate the world in the morning--it's beautiful. You won't regret it.

Anyways, my workouts have improved. I also signed up for my first 5k on September 5th, which has been motivating me. Also, I want to tell you about my workout this morning.

Let me preface with this. I was never an athletic person my entire life. Some people can just up and run a mile whenever they feel like it. In 2011, I could maybe barely run a mile, involving alot of gasping and pain. In my entire life, I have never run two consecutive miles, and have in the past few months been able to run two miles with walking breaks only. Well, friends, this morning, just to see if I could since I've been improving: I ran 3.1 miles. That is correct, I ran a 5k with no walking breaks. I'm so darn proud of myself!

Now, to humble myself appropriately: it took 41 minutes. I was running between a 13 and 14 minute mile average, which is not a super impressive time, according to runners and whatnot. But, it's still a good starting place.

I'll probably start blogging more again, especially now that Leah is gone and Kate is gone and there is nobody left in Tallahassee. Woe is me.

A Long Post about a Book Review.

I've written about the year I spent playing WoW. I think I've hinted more than once about how I get hooked: I won't play a video game until it's complete, or I'll watch a TV series obsessively until I have finished. These obsessions will interfere with my eating, socializing and sleep time. Of my obsessions, there is one that I indulge in less than the others, because it is far more addictive than any of the others: reading. Once I have started an interesting book, I will not stop.

Note the use of the word, "Interesting." I do not read good books obsessively, I read interesting, though sometimes bad books.

Leah had been pushing me to read The Hunger Games and I refused because I did not want to be drawn in while so busy with work. Friday night I was bored and wanted to read. However, I wanted to read something that wouldn't draw me in, since Mike and I were visiting his parents for Saturday through Monday. So I decided to read a book that I had both heard criticized and criticized myself. I figured I might as well read it so that I had a basis for my opinions. Friday evening, I began reading the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer: the love story about a teenage girl and a vampire with a werewolf and whatnot.

By Monday afternoon, I had read all four and a half books (the fourth was an incomplete re-writing of the first book from another point of view.) I spent the past week re-reading them, just because they were that interesting and I wanted to see if I missed anything in my semi sleep deprived state last weekend.

So, I would like to give you my opinion of these novels now that I have read them and can back my judgement.

First, let me say this: Anyone who thinks that these books can even compare to any Harry Potter book as an idiot. Twilight is good as one thing only: a romance. It is a chick flick in novel form. Harry Potter is a story of good vs. evil, of making the right choices in hard places, of fighting adversity because it is the right thing to do, even when it is not the easy thing to do. It's one of the best kinds of stories there is. Twilight is about a teenage girl finding her true love and falling head over heels. It's comparable to Wuthering Heights or Romeo and Juliet (possibly because it makes those comparisons within the book) though it is not as timeless or universal as those stories. However, it does focus on the same silly sort of self-destructive love. (Note: This is a bit of a stretch comparing this book to more timeless classics: I focus ONLY on the fact that all three center on such a strong love. I know that it in no way lives up to these books. Don't think that I'm saying that at all.)

As a romance, however, Twilight is exceptionally good. It's definitely enjoyable for those qualities: finding true love, being uncertain because of a rival for your love, high school drama, marriage, etc. I think it was better because I had such low expectations and have read far worse interesting books. As long as you take it as a romance and don't expect it to live up to anything more, it's good.

My biggest criticism, honestly, would be the audience to whom it is targeted: teenage girls. As an adult with a somewhat clearer head, it is easier to distance myself from her story. As a teenage girl, however, it is teaching no more than this: find true love. Even if you're only 17. And don't be afraid to turn your life on all of your friends and family just for this one single person (even if this person is somewhat dangerous... maybe especially so.) I do not want any teenage girls I know believing this, especially having once been a teenage girl. I would prefer them believe that they should be careful about finding true love and that they remember that having friends is especially healthy when you are in a relationship.

I also watched the movies: they , unfortunately, were as bad as I had heard. The first one had me laughing in the wrong places: the acting was terrible and most of the dialogue just felt awkward to watch. By the fourth one there was some decent background music, CGI and acting lessons, so it wasn't quite so painful, but still: the movie characters lack the vibrancy that the book gave them.

Anyways, after having spent 8 days wrapped up inside of this story, analyzing it and coming to these conclusions (and having already discussed them with Mike and Leah and Jess,) I can finally stop mulling over them in my mind because I have written them down in this blog.

Sometimes I think that's why I have this blog: so that i can stop thinking about something in circles in my head.

Anyways, I'm not proofreading this, I've just written as I thought and posted it.

List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

First of all, I would like to point out that the writer of this list ended that sentence in a preposition, which is a huge grammar no-no that I have recently discovered. The correct phrasing would be, "List ten things for which you would hope to be remembered."

I've been delaying this blog, only because I'm not really sure what ten things I would choose. I'm not sure of many, honestly. I'm not ambitious. I don't want to be famous. I have no desire to win awards or make a name for myself or even really change the world. I mean, I hope I do good to the world, but I have no desire to go fighting for some sort of massive change in the system. I am not that strong, charismatic, or brave. I've often thought that I could never be a hero in a novel. While I would often like to dream that I could be like some of my favorite book characters--ready to save the day, not afraid to stand up for good, etc.--I know that, despite my good intentions, I'm just far more average than they are. I wasn't born with that strange quality of uniqueness that is necessary to be great. Or I just don't want it enough-- I don't really know.

I've only ever wanted a loving husband, children, a happy home, and good times with friends and family. Given that, while trying to think of ten things for which to be remembered, I could only think of one.

I want to be remembered as a kind, loving person.

I don't want to be great. I don't want to change the world. But, of the people I do touch, I hope that I can be remembered as kind.

What do you think people misundertand most about you?

Ha. What don't people misunderstand about me?

With my close friends, I think they get me fairly well. For people like coworkers: I think I often come across as cold, disinterested, and completely engrossed in work. This is because I am shy, afraid of looking awkward or needy, and I like hard work. Even in every day life with friends, now that I think about it, I'm silent alot when I should say something or be comforting, but it's just because I don't know what to say and I feel uncomfortable. I come across as unfeeling by my silence, but really I just am not as expressive as I wish I could be.

One reason I've stopped blogging is because I don't want to talk about work. I mean, I really want to talk about work because it's what I do 9 hours a day, but talking about work on a public blog is a big no in my book, so I'm left with not much of an idea of what to say. Work has been busier, since it's a busy time of year for us, but I'm enjoying it.

Running, which used to be a dreaded activity, has become one of my favorite parts of the day. I look forward to getting home from work and spending a half hour listening to music, letting my mind wander away from the troubles and concerns of the apartment, of work, of life, and just feeling my heart beat faster as I just run my anxiety away. This week has been rough: after completely rocking week 6, I assumed I'd be great at week 7. Wrong. Day 1 was terrible since Mike and I had gone hiking for a few days before (is my excuse) and day 2 was terrible because I had eaten too soon before (I'm not lazy, I have a legitimate reason!) Either way, I think I'm repeating week 6 starting Friday before moving on to week 7 again. Oh, and my diet is all gone bad, so I have to remotivate myself to watch calories again.

On a related note, I made sugar cookies today. Baking has always been so soothing, and since I didn't get my workout in by running, I made sugar cookies. They're one of the few cookie recipes that I have all the ingredients already. They look beautiful and taste a little strange; I think something's gone wrong with the sugar. But Mike is enjoying them nonetheless.

Tomorrow is the end of my list, and thus the end of reasons for me to write blogs. I'll have to remember to motivate myself just for the sake of writing.

Oh, I took a personality test:

http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=PHVmEPOVOeyHDQW-AN-AACAA-c2ce&u=4d17b6f411db

Just scroll to the part with the little bars talking about my personality traits. 

What is your love language?

First of all, the five love languages:

Physical Touch: People who know they are loved by hugs, hand holdings, a kiss, or some sort of physical touch.
Gift Giving: People who either like to receive or give creative, thoughtful gifts. For them, it really is the thought behind the gift that counts.
Quality Time: People who just enjoy spending time with the one they love. That is how they know.
Acts of Service: People who will do nice, helpful things, or feel loved when nice things are done for them
Words of Affirmation: People who express love verbally. They need to hear words of love to know they are loved.

Now, for me. I am very much a quality time person, followed closely by words of affirmation. I can just be sitting in the same room as Mike and I know he loves me. Likewise with my family; I spend time with them, more than anything else, to show and feel affection. A close second is words of affirmation: I very much like to talk about being loved.Mike is very similar. His love language is also quality time, which is very nice for us. We can just hang out together and feel very fulfilled, even if we aren't doing anything interesting. Like video games, or movies.

I started this post two days ago. I'm back to it now. Today, I felt lonely. I am starting to more keenly feel the loss of Leah as it approaches and have tried to reach out to make friends at work. Unfortunately, I am not good at making friends, at opening up, or sometimes even at holding conversations. It's probably half in my head, but I'm pretty sure I am frequently the awkward one in the group. I'm still trying, though.

Anyways, I'm running again tomorrow. I've started week 6 of Couch to 5k, so that should be fun.