I'm writing this on my lunch break at work. I come in early too much throughout the week, so I end up with an extended lunch by Friday to make up for the time.
My dream job? I don't know. I don't think anyone ever really knows. I thought for years and years that I wanted to be a teacher. However, I found teaching stressful. I am now in a supervisor position for a small department in a business, and I absolutely love it. While I'm not sure that I'd describe it as my dream job, I certainly think I could find my dream job in business.
The alternative would be a chef. I love cooking. I love baking. I have since I was a kid. However, it's one of those things where I'm not quite creative enough and a little too paranoid about other people's opinions to truly excel. So, I guess while chef is a nice thought in my mind, it is not a practical dream job. Also, I think it is hard to find a decent job as a chef. They don't seem to be in high demand. Business management seems more practical.
Kate brought in home-made wontons to work, so I've been terrible about my calories. I'm trying to count them, but it's all a rough estimate, and who really knows. However, I am doing day three of week four of C25k today. I'm pretty sure that I'll repeat this week.
Much better news: Jess is visiting tonight!!!! Jess and Brandon and their baby Graham. I'm so excited.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
I'm afraid I'll feel like an idiot answering this because, honestly, my life hasn't been that bad. Compare me to people who lived in slavery, or still do today, people who have been tortured or murdered, people who wandered the earth because they did not belong, and you will find that my life has been remarkably easy. I've never wanted for food or felt unsafe, and I've always had an opportunity to educate and better myself. Furthermore, my parents went beyond this to make sure my life was happy; I could have the clothes and technology I wanted, I was given a car and a cell phone, and I was given help with bills throughout college.
So don't expect some intense answer to this question that will leave you startled or shocked.
A few things come to mind: living with a terribly passive aggressive roomate for a year, surviving middle school, trying to find a job, struggling with a WoW addiction, struggling with social anxiety and self-esteem. But honestly, as stupid as this sounds, the hardest thing I've ever had to do is lose someone I care about--and I don't mean passing away, I mean a person who breaks off all ties of friendship and connections.
This has happened three times that I can really recall that left me shattered on the inside. The second was, by far, the worst. The first was a breakup--after years of being great friends, me and a guy decided to try dating. After three months of emotional whirlwinds, he called off the relationship and, to make the breakup easier, any chance of a friendship. I was devastated, but still holding myself together.
What followed was a summer where I reconnected with an old friend from high school. Though we weren't officially "In a relationship," we were as good as dating from my point of view. Near the end of the summer, he told me that we wouldn't continue anything when I left to college, and what's more, he didn't really see a point in continuing a friendship with me; I wasn't really worth it to him. This left me crushed. I remember crying at my parent's kitchen table--me, who usually hid all of my personal matters from my parents, crying so deeply that it was beyond sobbing, tears pouring down my face which was held so still that I could barely talk--just feeling so worthless and crushed and empty inside. That same day, a mutual friend of ours got into an argument with me which led to the end of our friendship as well.
I went back to college broken inside. Leah can attest to some of the nights I spent on her floor trying to find the words to describe what my heart felt like. This was also the year I fell deeply into World of Warcraft, only to resurface 11 months later a different person.
It took me about a year to heal enough to look back on that summer without wincing internally. I realize now, in retrospect, that I wasn't blameless in the situation. I had changed alot that year, and wasn't what he was looking for in a girlfriend. Additionally, I don't think he was being as cruel as I thought in calling off the friendship. Looking back, I think he knew that I'd keep clinging to him unless he cut things cleanly and that I'd need to be hurt to consider it a clean cut. I don't think he realized just how far out of control he would send me. He was the end to a long line of failed relationships and broken friendships, and the final straw that sent me over the edge.
The day that he called off our friendship was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. It was worse than the year of WoW that followed, or the breakups that preceded it. The entire day was spent in pain and regret and hurt that was so deep that I can't really do it justice through words, though anyone who has been through anything similar will certainly know what I mean. So, I haven't experienced any severe trauma, pain, damage, or something you would consider a "real" problem. But I've found myself at rock bottom with a broken heart and no idea how to rise back up. It sounds trivial, I know. But it certainly did not feel that way.
So don't expect some intense answer to this question that will leave you startled or shocked.
A few things come to mind: living with a terribly passive aggressive roomate for a year, surviving middle school, trying to find a job, struggling with a WoW addiction, struggling with social anxiety and self-esteem. But honestly, as stupid as this sounds, the hardest thing I've ever had to do is lose someone I care about--and I don't mean passing away, I mean a person who breaks off all ties of friendship and connections.
This has happened three times that I can really recall that left me shattered on the inside. The second was, by far, the worst. The first was a breakup--after years of being great friends, me and a guy decided to try dating. After three months of emotional whirlwinds, he called off the relationship and, to make the breakup easier, any chance of a friendship. I was devastated, but still holding myself together.
What followed was a summer where I reconnected with an old friend from high school. Though we weren't officially "In a relationship," we were as good as dating from my point of view. Near the end of the summer, he told me that we wouldn't continue anything when I left to college, and what's more, he didn't really see a point in continuing a friendship with me; I wasn't really worth it to him. This left me crushed. I remember crying at my parent's kitchen table--me, who usually hid all of my personal matters from my parents, crying so deeply that it was beyond sobbing, tears pouring down my face which was held so still that I could barely talk--just feeling so worthless and crushed and empty inside. That same day, a mutual friend of ours got into an argument with me which led to the end of our friendship as well.
I went back to college broken inside. Leah can attest to some of the nights I spent on her floor trying to find the words to describe what my heart felt like. This was also the year I fell deeply into World of Warcraft, only to resurface 11 months later a different person.
It took me about a year to heal enough to look back on that summer without wincing internally. I realize now, in retrospect, that I wasn't blameless in the situation. I had changed alot that year, and wasn't what he was looking for in a girlfriend. Additionally, I don't think he was being as cruel as I thought in calling off the friendship. Looking back, I think he knew that I'd keep clinging to him unless he cut things cleanly and that I'd need to be hurt to consider it a clean cut. I don't think he realized just how far out of control he would send me. He was the end to a long line of failed relationships and broken friendships, and the final straw that sent me over the edge.
The day that he called off our friendship was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. It was worse than the year of WoW that followed, or the breakups that preceded it. The entire day was spent in pain and regret and hurt that was so deep that I can't really do it justice through words, though anyone who has been through anything similar will certainly know what I mean. So, I haven't experienced any severe trauma, pain, damage, or something you would consider a "real" problem. But I've found myself at rock bottom with a broken heart and no idea how to rise back up. It sounds trivial, I know. But it certainly did not feel that way.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
1. All the people visiting Tallahassee! These include Leah's awesome sister Jenny, my BFF from not Tallahassee, Jess, and Mike's parents. Yay for people visiting! This is also good because I've decided that I'm not visiting anyone who hasn't visited me in Tallahassee ever. This includes quite alot of my friends.
2. Work. It's a love/hate thing, but I really enjoy my job. Things are going well, I like what I do (it's a boring business desk job and doesn't sound fun to explain, but someone has to enjoy it!) and the people with whom I work, at least most of the time.
3. Cooking healthy foods and working out. There's something nice about tracking calories. I have a love/hate thing with C25k, and I have been enjoying experimenting with recipes and discovering new, tasty variations of foods.
4. My family. This involves my husband and my cat. My husband, Mike, is the most wonderful man I've ever met. He is kind, caring, and strong. He balances out my crazy just perfectly. I'm grateful for him every day and glad to know him. Max is the most wonderful cat I've ever met. He is pretty crazy, but I can't stop loving him for that.
5. Weekly dinners with Leah and Kate and Mike and Daniel. It brings joy to my life to eat yummy foods with my friends weekly.
Overall, I'm very content with my life at the moment. If I looked at where I was two years ago, my life was entirely falling apart. All of the pieces have somehow come together, and I find myself living the life I always dreamed about. Minus counting calories. In my dreams, I ate nothing but pizza.
2. Work. It's a love/hate thing, but I really enjoy my job. Things are going well, I like what I do (it's a boring business desk job and doesn't sound fun to explain, but someone has to enjoy it!) and the people with whom I work, at least most of the time.
3. Cooking healthy foods and working out. There's something nice about tracking calories. I have a love/hate thing with C25k, and I have been enjoying experimenting with recipes and discovering new, tasty variations of foods.
4. My family. This involves my husband and my cat. My husband, Mike, is the most wonderful man I've ever met. He is kind, caring, and strong. He balances out my crazy just perfectly. I'm grateful for him every day and glad to know him. Max is the most wonderful cat I've ever met. He is pretty crazy, but I can't stop loving him for that.
5. Weekly dinners with Leah and Kate and Mike and Daniel. It brings joy to my life to eat yummy foods with my friends weekly.
Overall, I'm very content with my life at the moment. If I looked at where I was two years ago, my life was entirely falling apart. All of the pieces have somehow come together, and I find myself living the life I always dreamed about. Minus counting calories. In my dreams, I ate nothing but pizza.
List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
Okay, here goes!
1. I know you think that straight cut bangs help your face, and they do, but so will side cut bangs. Please make the switch before 2007. Same with the center part. Go back to the side part. Don't try dyeing your hair lighter either, because it doesn't work.
2. Go research Social Anxiety Disorder. Convince Mom and Dad to take you to a therapist.
3. You don't have Crohn's disease. You eat too much pizza and not enough whole wheat/vegetables. Seriously, change your diet.
4. Stop making fun of the kids that play WoW. You will regret it one day....
5. You're not going to marry anyone you know from high school.. or from Volusia County at all, for that matter. I know you think that you are in a super serious relationship. I know that you also think you will at the very least be great friends with these people forever. Surprisingly, you won't. You get married to someone completely new.
6. Consider not being a math teacher. Or a musician. Have you ever thought about business? You would probably really enjoy it.
7. Appreciate not having to pay bills. You are seriously taking that for granted. Thank Mom and Dad, and give them big hugs.
8. You're going to go through some dark, lonely times. Your world is going to collapse. And when you think you've hit rock bottom, it's going to get worse. But you do have good friends (not from high school) who stick through it with you and love you despite your negligence, and family who thinks the world of you even if nobody else does. I promise that you will make it through.
9. Don't get pet fish. They are just... not necessary.
10. Please wear more sunscreen. I know you thought for awhile that sunburns were cool and tans and freckles, but you are pale and prone to skin cancer. Also, the sun ages your skin and I'm really trying to counteract that currently.
Sorry for the late post. This was also rushed, since I'm writing it over breakfast. Last night, I had dinner with Leah and Leah's sister, who is in town. Leah is moving to Virginia later in the year, as I found out two nights ago. It's a tragedy beyond words that her husband got accepted into a PhD program there. Anyways, I got home too late to post, so I'm writing this over breakfast and didn't have alot of time to think about it. Also, I didn't want to get too specific with my 16-year old self because I don't want to discourage her from making the mistakes that will lead her to Mike eventually. I just want her to know it gets better.
1. I know you think that straight cut bangs help your face, and they do, but so will side cut bangs. Please make the switch before 2007. Same with the center part. Go back to the side part. Don't try dyeing your hair lighter either, because it doesn't work.
2. Go research Social Anxiety Disorder. Convince Mom and Dad to take you to a therapist.
3. You don't have Crohn's disease. You eat too much pizza and not enough whole wheat/vegetables. Seriously, change your diet.
4. Stop making fun of the kids that play WoW. You will regret it one day....
5. You're not going to marry anyone you know from high school.. or from Volusia County at all, for that matter. I know you think that you are in a super serious relationship. I know that you also think you will at the very least be great friends with these people forever. Surprisingly, you won't. You get married to someone completely new.
6. Consider not being a math teacher. Or a musician. Have you ever thought about business? You would probably really enjoy it.
7. Appreciate not having to pay bills. You are seriously taking that for granted. Thank Mom and Dad, and give them big hugs.
8. You're going to go through some dark, lonely times. Your world is going to collapse. And when you think you've hit rock bottom, it's going to get worse. But you do have good friends (not from high school) who stick through it with you and love you despite your negligence, and family who thinks the world of you even if nobody else does. I promise that you will make it through.
9. Don't get pet fish. They are just... not necessary.
10. Please wear more sunscreen. I know you thought for awhile that sunburns were cool and tans and freckles, but you are pale and prone to skin cancer. Also, the sun ages your skin and I'm really trying to counteract that currently.
Sorry for the late post. This was also rushed, since I'm writing it over breakfast. Last night, I had dinner with Leah and Leah's sister, who is in town. Leah is moving to Virginia later in the year, as I found out two nights ago. It's a tragedy beyond words that her husband got accepted into a PhD program there. Anyways, I got home too late to post, so I'm writing this over breakfast and didn't have alot of time to think about it. Also, I didn't want to get too specific with my 16-year old self because I don't want to discourage her from making the mistakes that will lead her to Mike eventually. I just want her to know it gets better.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Describe your relationship with your parents.
I have a really good relationship with my parents. They love me and I love them, and also I like them and they like me. We aren't a very clingy family, or super involved. We talk maybe once or twice a week on the phone. I visit as frequently as I can, which has become every few months what with having a job, a husband, and not living in a dorm that kicks me out for winter, spring, and summer holiday. I'll tell them pretty much anything about my life, and they are proud of me, my accomplishments, and my life. I was also a people-pleaser as a child and hated when people yelled at me, so I strived to be good at school and not get in trouble (most of the time. I can remember some instense arguments at my worst.) In high school, I was more of a brat at times, and we did have some rough spots, but only the occasional argument. Despite whatever happened, I never once doubted that my parents loved me and were overall proud of me, if disappointed at certain mistakes I did make from time to time. Also, things got a little tense during wedding planning, which was mostly me getting spazzy or emotional and my parents not babying me. They are no-nonsense kind of people; if I'm about to cry for some stupid reason, they're going to point it out. I like that about them.
Today was week 4 of C25k and day one of using my heart monitor. The heart monitor was AWESOME! It showed me where my heart rate was the whole time and counted up my calories. Week 4 of C25k was less awesome. The jump from week 3 to week 4 is pretty much insane. However, the rest of week 4 can only be easier after this!
Today was week 4 of C25k and day one of using my heart monitor. The heart monitor was AWESOME! It showed me where my heart rate was the whole time and counted up my calories. Week 4 of C25k was less awesome. The jump from week 3 to week 4 is pretty much insane. However, the rest of week 4 can only be easier after this!
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