Literary Devices.

Most of high school IB english was spent analyzing the works of various people in great detail. We knew that the author employed alliteration or diction or personification or another literary device to protray their feelings about communist Russia or feminism or something else that made little sense and was so subjective that almost any meaning could be created. However, having been educated in such literary devices, I, a mathematics education major, am going to write a passage explaining an incident today at the diner. Feel free to comment with an analyization of the topic explaining how I use punctuation to illustrate my true feelings about the status of today's economy or whatever else you think I may be saying.

"Immediately upon recieving drinks, I'll put the straw into the water that I ordered, maybe pushing the lemon to the bottom of the glass to better distribute the lemony flavor. Then I proceed to tie the straw wrapper into a series of tiny knots, all of which lie on top of another and end in a giant knot. Eventually, I have no room left to tie knots, so I tear the wrapper apart. I shred it into tiny pieces, which I consolidate and leave discarded in a pile near the salt shaker. Everyone has little quirks they do at tables to pass the time or to keep themselves occupied, in the ADD society in which we live. Daniel, being who he is, was no different. He was pressing his finger on the end of the straw, to hold the water inside, then lifting the straw up. A few inches up, he'd release his finger so that gravity caused the water to rush back into the glass, like some sort of flood (simile.) We all were watching, briefly entertained, as each time he lifted the straw higher and higher, causing the water to fall back into the glass at greater speeds and with a much more impressive splash.

The rest of us ADD people quickly wanted to change the rules of the game. The first suggestion was that Daniel release the water on Leah instead of in the glass, since the small amount of water that can fit in a straw would be enough to irritate Leah while not actually drenching her. The more realistic idea was that he release the water in her glass instead of his. He was greatly opposed to this idea, but Leah thought it was absolutely wonderful. She quickly placed her cup above Daniel's, which he promptly demanded she remove, as that made the distance which the water had to travel reduced. However, Leah watched Daniel intently, and as soon as he released the water, with the reflexes of a cat she flung her cup underneath the small stream of water.

Unfortunately, Leah did not take into account the fact that Daniel's glass was still underneath the stream of water, in the area that her cup attempted to invade. The force with which she moved the cup caused Daniel's cup to go flying across the diner. Or across the table. Ice went flying, water began to rain down the side of the table onto the floor, and Daniel and Leah collapsed in laughter or something. Leah half-heartedly threw some napkins at the puddle, which the puddle promptly destroyed, and continued its rampage towards the diner floor. I stood up and scooped the ice into Daniel's glass, until the waitress told us she would take care of it. The water tasted weird, anyways."

This is a true story about tonight, by the way. Upon writing it, I have realized that I actually have no idea how to employ literary devices to achieve any sort of goal. However, that should not stop the well-trained student from being able to draw all sorts of deep meanings from this.

Actually, I realized I couldn't write over Christmas break, when I tried to write a memior of the summer of 2006. That summer was intense. so was writing. Writing majors, I commend you for the understanding and use of words which I shall never be able to achieve.